


Gone

by AuthorChristina



Series: By Now [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky - Freeform, part two of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 14:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15051605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorChristina/pseuds/AuthorChristina
Summary: Steve wakes up to a note and Bucky gone.





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the second part! I hope you like it!

 

Steve hated to argue with Bucky as much as he hated to go to bed without him. The bed always felt so empty and big without Bucky beside him.

 

After fights, though, Steve always gave Bucky space to cool down; especially when they fought about not being out to anybody.

 

Logically Steve knew no one would care and that his friends would be supportive but Steve still struggled with it. He had grown up in the 40’s, in a time where men were killed for loving other men. And while Steve realized that wasn’t the case anymore, at least not in most parts of the world, it was still something he struggled with.

 

He worried. Not about himself, no, about Bucky. He didn’t want to be the reason that Bucky got hurt because of some bigot who didn’t agree with them being together.

 

He also didn’t want to hear the jokes and teasing that would come from Stark and Sam about them being together. They would all be good natured without any malice behind the jokes, Steve just didn’t want to hear them.

 

He just wanted to be happy and enjoy being with Bucky.

 

That’s all he wanted.

 

~

 

The night after their argument Steve let Bucky have the night to himself cool off. The next morning, after his morning run and shower, he went to Bucky’s room to apologize and talk to him. He knocked on the door, frowning when there was no answer.

 

“Buck?” Steve said, pushing the door open and looking in.

 

He was greeted with nothing. Bucky wasn’t in his bed and most of his stuff seemed to be gone. Steve’s heart sank as he ventured further into the room. Laying on Bucky’s pillow was a folded piece of paper. Steve picked it up and looked at it, reading the note Bucky left.

 

**_Stevie—_ **

 

**_I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore._ **

 

**_I can’t be with you anymore. I love you so much but I can’t continue to be a secret that you keep because you’re scared._ **

 

**_I don’t want to give you an ultimatum so I’m making this easy on you and leaving. Don’t try to look for me, please, just let me be._ **

 

**_You’re still my best guy, always will be, but I need space and time to heal. I thought I knew what pain was when Hydra tortured me but I didn’t. They hurt me physically but you’ve hurt me emotionally in ways I never thought you would._ **

 

**_I know you love me in your own way and I don’t want to ask for more but after everything we’ve been through don’t you think I deserve to be more than just a secret?_ **

 

**_Your friends wouldn’t care and most of the world wouldn’t…_ **

 

**_I’m sorry for leaving without saying something to you but I know I wouldn’t have the strength to do this in person._ **

 

**_You mean so much to me. You’ve been there for so much and you know what it’s like to be out of place in the world._ **

 

**_I want you to be happy. You deserve it._ **

 

**_I guess being happy with me wasn’t what the fates had decided for us._ **

**_I’ll come back eventually. Maybe. I don’t know._ **

 

**_But I do know that I will always love you and you will always be my best friend._ **

 

**_Love,_ **

 

**_Bucky_ **

 

Steve dropped down onto Bucky’s bed, rereading the note a few times to make sure he was reading what he thought he was reading.

 

Each time hurt worse and soon he found tears sliding down his face. He couldn’t believe it. He should have expected it though, should have known that Bucky would get tired of his shit.

 

He just thought he would have the chance to beg him to stay, to give him more time before they told people.

 

He sat there, staring at the letter. He could try to go after Bucky but he didn’t know where to start. When Steve had found him in Romania that had taken two years to find him. If Bucky didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be. He was good at hiding.

 

Steve sat in Bucky’s room for a while, just reading the letter and thinking back to the fight they had. This was his fault. There was no denying it.

 

Steve sighed and got up, deciding that he would go talk to Sam. It would mean telling Sam about him and Bucky but Sam was the most logical and would know what to do. Even if he didn’t he would listen without judgment or asking too many questions.

 

He folded the note and slipped it into his pocket before heading to Sam’s room. He knocked softly, “Sam?”

 

Sam. Opened the door, looking fresh out of the shower.

 

“‘Sup Cap?” Sam asked, taking in Steve’s sullen exasperation.

 

“I… Can I talk to you?” Steve asked.

 

“Always. Wanna talk in here?”

 

Steve nodded and followed Sam into his room.

 

“What’s up? You look like you just watched someone kick a puppy.”

 

Steve slid his hands into his pockets, “Bucky’s gone.”

 

“Gone?” Sam raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms across his chest and leaned up against his dresser.

 

“Yeah.. gone.. I.. I went to his room this morning to talk to him and he wasn’t there. Just a note telling me he was gone and to not look for him.”

 

“Any idea of why he left?”

 

Steve nodded and sat down on the edge of Sam’s bed. “Yeah.. uh.. I gotta tell you something.”

 

“What? You know you can tell me anything. I’ve told you that before. Whatever we talk about is safe with me.”

 

Steve nodded and looked at his hands. “Bucky and I… We’re, uh, well we were together. As in dating.”

 

Sam was quiet for a bit but he let out a humorless chuckle. Steve looked up to see Sam shaking his head, a small smirk on his face.

 

“What?”

 

Sam shrugged, “Nothing really, just never thought you would admit it.”

 

“Admit… Wait, you knew? You knew about Bucky and me? How?”

 

“You’re not the only one who talks to me, Steve.”

 

“Bucky told you? He wouldn’t, he knew I didn’t want anyone to know about us.” Steve said, a little angry.

 

“Yeah, I know all about how you were refusing to tell anyone about the two of you. And honestly? I’m disappointed in you Steve.”

 

“Disappointed in me? Why?”

 

“Do you really have to ask? Do you realize how much you hurt Bucky by keeping him a secret?”

 

“I had my reasons to know tell anyone…”

 

“Yeah, maybe so, but were your reasons good enough for the pain they caused Bucky? Where they good enough to lose Bucky over?”

 

Steve rubbed his face, “I never wanted to hurt Bucky. Never. I just wanted him safe and happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him. After everything Hydra did to him he deserves happiness.”

 

“And you thought hiding the fact that you were together would make him happy? How many fights did you two have about this? You never even really gave him a good reason as to why you didn’t want everyone to know. He thinks you’re ashamed of him. I would too if I was in his shoes.”

 

“So, what, are you on his side or something? I thought you two didn’t get along.”

 

Sam shrugged, “We have an interesting dynamic but we do get along. I think you need to think about what you want and if you still want to hide the fact that you’re in love with him, if you are, then maybe you should just find someone else to be with. You can’t hide things forever.”

 

“I wasn’t going to hide our relationship forever. I just… I needed time…”

 

“I don’t think this is a good enough excuse. Did you not what to come out? That’s understandable but if you’re going to be in a relationship with someone you can’t just hide them away like some secret. That’s not cool nor is it healthy.”

 

Steve sighed, frustrated and upset. “I just wanted… I was scared. I’m still.. I grew up in the 40s, men were killed for loving other men. It’s not…”

 

“Steve this isn’t the 40s anymore. Most people are going to care if you love another man.”

 

“But there are people who have a problem with it. I don’t want Bucky to have to deal with those people or for Bucky to get hurt because of me or because he’s with me. I just want to protect him.”

 

“You ended up hurting him anyway. Hiding him, hiding your relationship was the worst thing you could do. Some bigot on the street being an asshole wouldn’t have hurt him as much as you did by keeping him a secret.”

 

Steve shook his head. “I need to find him and apologize and try to make this right.”

 

“I think before you do that you need to think long and hard about what you want from this relationship and if you can’t give Bucky what he needs and deserves then you should just let him be. You both can find ways to be happy without each other, even if it is the last thing you two want to do.”

 

Steve thought about what Sam said for a little bit before slowly nodding, “Maybe you’re right. It’ll take me awhile to find Bucky so I’ll think while I look for him.”

 

Steve sighed and stood up, “Thanks for talking…”

 

Sam nodded, “Yeah. And don’t get mad at Bucky for telling me. He needed someone to talk to about things, especially when you wouldn’t listen to him.”

 

Steve nodded and hung his head in shame. He sighed and left Sam’s room, thinking about how he was going to make this right and when Bucky back. He had to. He couldn’t live without Bucky. He didn’t know how he was going to make it through until he found Bucky again. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So? I'm actually liking writing this series. I don't have the second part written yet but it should be written soon!


End file.
